It’s been some time and I’ve returned but now I’m just a bit different.
25 now.
I’ve grown a lot, and it’s really cool to experience.
Since my time away from tumblr, I’ve had my handful of successfully failed relationships, friendships and I’ve gone through a few careers. Hairstylist and MUA, salesperson, receptionist, and probably more. I ended up getting my cosmetology license, but something else really felt like it was missing.
I ended up getting deeper into my spirituality post 1st breakup, and really it’s been such a fucking journey. I think the real reason I avoided places like tumblr and Facebook is because I have to look at how embarrassing I was growing up. Living mentally on this page for years. I never really had a huge following or anything but it was more about a community experience and also the researching aspect of so many topics being in one space just fed my brain.
Skip forward to now. We’re in the middle of a pandemic, and a slew of other traumatic and depressing shit going on in the world - and I’ve found refuge in painting. Still struggling to find ways to express my voice, and using my art to speak for itself. I just let it be what it is.
So I’m reviving my tumblr, the one place where things sort of made sense, trying to tie it all together.
It’s not that somethings missing, because if I’m being honest, things have been missing for some time or just weren’t there to begin with. But I felt like returning to this app just makes sense. So if the internet will indulge with me, hopefully I can post art, maybe somebody will see it and feel stuff. Not every piece is sad or transformative, but just for expression.
Oh and hey :)
Oh! And I started a website. If you’re looking for tarot readings, and prints of my artwork- even my friends and people I collaborate with, or would even like to collaborate with me checkout brizeroni.com
His father, who forcibly impregnated me when I was in high school, is going to be back in town much sooner than I thought – October 15. He is an extremely violent person who has stalked me for years, broken into my house, and beaten me. He still sees me as his property after 11 years. He has told me several times that he believes he is God and can “get rid of my family if he wants to.”
Right now he knows where I live. I’m terrified of him killing me and kidnapping my son.
Right now another woman is pressing charges against him for stalking, abuse, rape, and constant threats that he’s going to force her to have his baby, too. The last time he went to prison it was for nearly beating a stranger to death. He is such a violent person that his own family doesn’t allow him to see or talk to his kid.
I currently owe $1300 to my old landlord and have to pay that off before I can move out. I’ve already tried applying to places without paying it off, all it led to was me spending $350 on rental applications just to get denied every time. I also owe $300 for a loan, and my car is currently broken down.
Please help me. I’m taking care of a child by myself on a disability income. This is extremely urgent.
This post is getting pretty long with all the updates, so I’ll summarize everything here and answer some important questions (TW for sexual assault, physical abuse, and stalking):
- Not only have current orders of protection been filed for both me and my kid, but I’ve had restraining orders on this man pretty consistently for the past decade. Unfortunately, this has not stopped him from stalking me and harassing me. There was an active restraining order when he broke into my house.
- The reason he’s been able to break restraining orders so many times is because nobody can ever find him until he shows up somewhere to threaten someone before running away again. He never finishes parole or probation. Last time I tried to renew the restraining order before he went to prison 3 years ago, I was going to court every month just for them to tell me they couldn’t find him (even though I caught him waking around my neighborhood more than once). He hasn’t had his own place to live since 2013 when he destroyed his apartment by throwing me into all the walls. He never stays anywhere for more than a couple of weeks, less due to the fact that he doesn’t want to be found and more due to the fact that he physically assaults everyone. He doesn’t keep any job for more than a week or two for the same reason. Last time he was employed, he made a public facebook post about how he “beat the shit out of his boss for telling him what to do.”
- I have always had full custody of my kid. His father has no rights to him.
- This man seriously still sees me as his property despite breaking up over a decade ago. We dated for only a few months when I was 18 and he was 21 before he sexually assaulted me while I was waiting on a new birth control prescription and yelled “this one’s for a baby!” as he ejaculated in me. Hecontinues to tell me to this day that he forcibly impregnated me in order to “keep me in his life forever.” He’s 32 now. He tattooed a picture of my face covering his entire thigh 8 years after we broke up. The last time I spoke to him on the phone, he told me he had been “contemplating my teenage sexuality.” I received a letter earlier this year about how he’s “writing an anime where my character is in love with his character.” 2 weeks ago, I received a love song he wrote about me in the mail. I still receive his letters despite the fact that the prison is ordered not to let him contact me. His most recent ex, the other woman who is pressing charges on him for his threats to get her pregnant whether she likes it or not, told me that he told her that “the only way we could ever stop him from coming after us is with a gun to his head.”
- This man is so dangerous and violent that HIS OWN FAMILY doesn’t allow him around his kid. They have all offered to testify for me in court, however, I’ve never had to take their offer or even use any of my OWN evidence in court because he’s already proven to the courts that he’s a dangerous person and has even threatened JUDGES.
- He has told me several times that he thinks he’s God and has said that he could “make my family stop existing if he wanted to.”
- This man physically assaulted me several times during our relationship, including when I was pregnant, and assaulted me with a knife the last time I saw him in person 3 or 4 years ago, sending me to the hospital to get stitches. He assaulted my dad and my brother. He has assaulted every one of his friends. He assaults his own family members. Again, he bragged about beating the shit out of his boss at one point. He’s not just abusive to partners, he’s abusive to EVERYONE.
- After no one could find him to serve him the last order of protection in 2022, I eventually received a phone call from him from the LA prison. He laughed as he told me about how he was there for “nearly beating some guy to death with a skateboard.” This was before he went into his usual rant about how much of a disgusting slut I am, of course.
- After he served out his prison sentence in LA, he was transferred back to my state to serve out the rest of his sentences for charges he had here. He has cases that have been going on for 10-13 years because of repeatedly absconding from parole and probation. He has 18 entries on casenet.
- Again, I have all the protections in place to keep him from legally touching me or communicating with us. They’re just not gonna stop him. They’ve never stopped him before. All it does is give me legal protections after the fact if anything were to happen to me or my kid.
He is literally the most terrifying person I and many others have met. I have 15 days left until he’s back. Obviously, I won’t be able to move out by then. But I still need to get away from him as soon as possible.I don’t want to have to stop him from kidnapping my son again. I don’t want to have to defend us against something worse than that.
There are more specific details in the notes, but the goal increased to $2,360 because my car broke down and I will have no form of transportation after I move. A negligent auto shop did major damage to my vehicle and I’ve already spent $3k this year fixing it. I’m still fighting with them about it.
Please help us.
$560/2,360
TWO WEEKS LEFT
I need the $1300 to pay off my old landlord ASAP. I am going to be replacing my alternator on my own, however, my goal isn’t changing because I didn’t include the cost to fix the vents in my car in my goal, which is something I can’t do myself since the entire dashboard will have to be taken apart. It’ll cost me around $100 for the alternator plus whatever the tools will cost me.
Either way, I’m mostly just worried about the $1300 for now. We can bundle up in my car for the winter and deal with the cold. As long as it’s driving we’ll mostly be fine
info on the situation from the IATSE website, Sept. 21, 2021
If you enjoy watching movies and tv, you should care about what we go through to make it for you. There’s no guarantee we’ll actually have to strike yet but please keep an eye on this situation.
we’ve been hooting with delight over green kitchens as we should be but have we considered: yellow kitchens. I think we should consider yellow kitchens.
There are some people who just lure you in. That’s what he did for me, and to me. Showed me the most beautiful and bright things any girl could ask for. Like a snake in the grass, he showed his teeth and it was too late. The venom was inside me.
